~aNother Day~

Yesterday meet up with dar around 3++pm, then went to visit J meimei. Saw her "throw tantrums" and crying away. Felt upset and tried to control my tears. Tried to talk to her,
to try and forget the pain and endure it. Then saw that each time dar talks to her, she listens,
but she keeps on saying pain and she cannot take it. Realize that the way she lies tilt too much to one side, that why her leg went numb.

The doctor also was too fierce, i mean how can you speak to a kid in such a fierce manner. After all, she is still your patient. But life is like that, you cant be commanding people around. Even more so when you are ill, don't think that others are obligated to serve you. They are there to give you support and help you, but if you don't help yourself then no one will be able to. No one can feel your pain that is in you, we can only be there for you.

Having another day of hard time trying to sleep, end up went to watch abit of tv till quite late then when to tuck in. Can't help thinking when she will brace herself up, as there are so much things happening and we really can't afford to have her acting like this....

PS brace up soon, its for the better of yourself to get well. Do it for yourself, if not for your brother or mother. You have everyone's support. Be strong and get well. We want to see you back on your feet soon and get out of that place... we'll be happy to stand by you always.

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~Daily Entry~

...Daily Entry...
Goals Recapped:
1. Driving Licensed Obtained.
2. Degree ( almost there)
3. Full- time Job (No where in sight)

Its 08.05am now, as i blog. Would say a very early morning for one whom is not working.
Looking forward to a day out as i haven't been really out for sometime already.
NP gangs going back to meet Miss KPT. Was speaking to dar about this legendary lady yesterday night before i had trouble falling asleep.
Its weird to say this, but i think i have forgotten how to "fall asleep"
cause, i just have difficulties falling asleep these days.
And what happens in the morning is that i just get very lethargic and can't concentrate
on what i wanna do.

Anyone with any sleeping tips?
Tried drinking milk, hot milo , warm water and so on before going to bed but doesn't really works. Also tried to listen to my mp3s and sleep, but mostly waking up with a "tired ear".

Well i am still keen on a short holiday, although a long one will even be nicer. But now is the travel peak season... oh when will NATAS fair be?

Lastly, glad that J Sis is ok, although haven't visit her yet.
Hope that she can be discharged soon and is feeling ok.
Just hope that she do not keep re-thinking the process, i know she'll be okay
as she have us around and she's a positive gal.

Saw this interesting crafted baby in an email
and thought i do a little artwork to the photo.
Find the baby so cute, like a real baby. Take a look, and leave your comments =)

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Recuperation

AM i moving towards the road of recuperation, or am i moving into the road of doom?
Seriously i cannot answer you this. I can only tell myself each day, not to think about it and to slowly proceed on. Taking a step at a time. Still no potential job to apply for.

Thou yesterday was dar's burfie, he still came down to pei wo and talked to me. Decided that we should both go visit J sis today together. Wonder how's she feeling already... Op should be done or not near completion, will try to talk to her laters. Now feeling alittle tired.. guess i will go shower soon and get ready to meet dar. Looks cloudly and rainny still.. hope that the sun shines after the rain. Added KW in my links... going to job sites to see awhile more than go shower already.

Al thou it's raining.. but its still very very hot.

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Depression

I think i am in depression. I just feel like being alone... maybe its because people around me havn't been caring enough. Maybe its just that i self-induced. I can't sleep every night. I either made myself so tired that i fall asleep. Or sometimes i just cry myself to bed. I just feel like crying so much, crying all the miserables in my life. No one actually cared about how i felt inside. The pain is back.. the painful memories.. which i can't seem to let go...

This is really sad... I've worked so hard. But now, i am jobless. I'm jobless for coming 3 months. And i am depressed. Everyone has someone...but me? I have no one. When i looked at my phone... I don't know which number to dail, I dunno who to sms to. Coz i have no one. When i need help... I just sat there and i cry... and slowly i cry myself to sleep. In the morning, i just refused to wake up. I am so stressed... so upset. I am so upset with myself. So leave me alone....
Let me rot.... let me be....Why is it that everyone else have more attention than me? Do they deserve it? Why is it that i must always fight with them for attention to be cared for?

I am just a useless piece of junk...right now i juz dun feel like speaking to anyone. Believe me.. when i go... no one will know, no one will care... this is how cruel this world is... maybe i am suited alone...maybe that is the best for me. Once again i did a mass deletion on my MSN... more people are gone.. coz i believe if they cared, they'll initiate a chat. Not me... not always i am the one.... if u dun care abt me ... then off u go... let me be alone.... u are juz a passer-by in life... i am really very tired... tired of living in this world, of all this fights... of all this nonsense....

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Happy Mothers day!!!

Happy Mothers day!!!
Too all mama out there... this day is dedicated to you.
For all your heart-work in bringing us up and time spent on teaching us the right path and
things to do. All the advice and all the time to nurture us.

Brought mummy to Thai Express today... luckily got reservation, else sure gonna regret de.
Then at night go to my bf place for dinner. Overall food at Thai Express never seems to disappointed me, just that the prawn balls today dun haf!!! omg... wanted mummy to taste it cos so nice. Not heartache on the money spend lar.. considering all the care that my mum had provided me. All the money she had spent on me.. this is really nothing lor, without her dun haf me lor.

Hope she understands my intention of the meal.. having a bad stomach contraction now.. urgh.. wun blog further. Btw, just killed 2 cockroaches.. real big ones in the kitchen juz mins ago.

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Its a good day...

We went to Lot1 to shop shop around... well nowadays there are more new shops liaos.. saw a pair of really nice sovilet titus watch arghz... *gian* $200++ lehs... broke.. *sob sobs*
Then we brought prezzies for our Mummys as tmr is Mother's day. And already got consent from mama to book lunch @ Thai Express as the food there is tried and tested and tasted good keke. Hope mummy will like the food lar.. coz i know she likes thai food de.

Then bought her lip stick too... My darling also bought lip stick for his mama, hope yr mama like the colour which i've choosen for her ya? Wah tmr will be the real busy day. A day committed for family lor... hahas. Hope faster find job also, so can start to repay my debts haha.
Bought a top @ double I today also.. simple short dress lar.. not bad lor kinda nice and simple. Well just want to clear my voucher haha since they accept it then good lor.

Okie dokies... gonna be busy in the up-coming week coz busy preparing for exams. Urghz.. time of the year which i hate most de... nvm nvm.... preserve as the light of the tunnel is near *lol* ->NOvember<-

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Blog it?

Still feeling sian coz no job knocking at my door. Mass application? No way... cheat my way through? I just cant be dishonest to myself and play a dis-service to myself. Thinking of what else to do to earn $. Is it becos i am too picky or is it becos i am truely finding something that i want?

Some people just don't need us around coz we are just extras in their life, althou good to have. They just want to share all the good times, and leave you alone to cry. Well that's the reality of life!
Right now i just want to quickly finish exams which is like 2 more weeks to go... get down back on my job hunting and settle down asap. Rotting at home isn't really a very nice thing to do.

I can only say and hope that in time to come all these will become not important as what i am holding on to have proven its worth...

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